Unconventional Partner Pillows

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

"I think it's about time you started thinking outside of the box Harold."

Romance of Radio Astronomy

'Oh Ernie, you're a louse, but I love you.'

Office Park

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"It's amazing. We've just met, but I feel like we've known each other since we were kids, became high school sweethearts, got married too young, had a bunch of brats, went through a messy divorce, reconciled, remarried each other, and are now back together after all these years."

"Sweet dreams, Tim." "Mort Feldstein: Loving father and professional clown."

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

Stun-gun target practice.

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

'It will never work. She's touchy-feely, and he is just touchy.'

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

'Is it true a Maitre D' has the authority to marry people, just like the captain of a ship?'

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

'I only do biometric readings now.'

"We met over the holidays."

'Actually I'm looking for a less meaningful relationship. I didn't understand the last one!'

"Guess who's in love?"

"Congratulations. I just need your initials here."

"I can't believe you forgot your death certificate."

"Wow! So that was the bagel setting."

'I like your initiative. You've got the job.'

'You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.'

"It's your ex-wife's new boyfriend - he says your maintenance payment is late agian, and he wants to discuss his picket money."

'I don't have a dog or a cat. Why do you ask?'

"Been lookin' for love in all the wrong carnivals."

"You don't keep an orgasm diary do you? My last girlfriend kept an orgasm diary."