Unconventional Leader Gifts

"I think he's running as an independent."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Cactus seats.

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

The Hammer

"Things are looking up!"

You are much more likely to think outside the box if it is broken.

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

Office Park

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

"Would someone dim the lights? I'm about to launch into the paranoid and conspiratorial portion of my report."

"He's a loose cannon with nothing left to lose, but he's the best damn file clerk I've ever seen."

"I didn't want this book to end, so I stopped reading it midway."

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

The Electricians Giraffe Aid

"Have some respect for my learning style."

"I'm Miss Jones, your History-As-I-See-It teacher."

Failed mobile home designs

Stun-gun target practice.

"My last patient was a cainamotpelk...she walked backwards into shops and left things!"

'John's into 'computer-hacking' in a big way!'

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

"How much do you want off the top?"

"You must be the artist."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Staying Single Explained.

Kid reading report: 'My book report is on 'TV Guide'...'

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

Yale,Yale,Yale,Yale,Kale