Unconventional Leader Gifts

"I think he's running as an independent."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Cactus seats.

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

The Hammer

"Things are looking up!"

You are much more likely to think outside the box if it is broken.

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

Office Park

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

'As avid soccer player, Roy head-bumps his playing partner's ball in for a birdie.'

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

"He's a loose cannon with nothing left to lose, but he's the best damn file clerk I've ever seen."

"Would someone dim the lights? I'm about to launch into the paranoid and conspiratorial portion of my report."

"Hold on - the ref is checking the rule book."

"I didn't want this book to end, so I stopped reading it midway."

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

"Here she is, the girl of my dreams! We're in love and we're going to get married! And she's made out of boxes!"

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

"Have some respect for my learning style."

The Electricians Giraffe Aid

Stun-gun target practice.

"We were really looking for someone who could lead people. How many followers do you have on Twitter?"

Failed mobile home designs

"I'm Miss Jones, your History-As-I-See-It teacher."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

'John's into 'computer-hacking' in a big way!'

"You must be the artist."

"How much do you want off the top?"

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

"My last patient was a cainamotpelk...she walked backwards into shops and left things!"

Staying Single Explained.

Kid reading report: 'My book report is on 'TV Guide'...'