Unconventional Parenting Fans Gifts

"Their names are Sportster and Softail. My husband named them."

'The child is very illogical'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Time for bed, guys."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Chilly baby.

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

Baby in Trunk.

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

"Michael, do your dinner."

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

"Here are all of my dependents."

'My mom invented baths!'

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

"This dog has wheels!"

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"He started teething this morning."

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"