Unconventional Parenting Fans Pillows

"Their names are Sportster and Softail. My husband named them."

'The child is very illogical'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

The Poky Little Pupa.

"I need to know who started it."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"Time for bed, guys."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Chilly baby.

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"I'm worried that Ud isn't evolving as quickly as the other kids."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

Baby in Trunk.

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

"Michael, do your dinner."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

"Here are all of my dependents."

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

"He started teething this morning."

'My mom invented baths!'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"