Unconventional Parenting Gifts

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

"This is our adoptive son. We found him in the cellar where he was raised by spiders."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

he used to belong to a cartoonist

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

Modern Baby Mobiles

"Sweet dreams, Tim." "Mort Feldstein: Loving father and professional clown."

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

Meals on Heels.

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

Before birds and bees,

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

We ARE playing catch.

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'

Free WiFi On-Board

'Look, he's taking his first steps.'

'Guess what? I found a way to get the baby to eat creamed peas!'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

"Just tell Daddy who hit you, and I will march upstairs and ask Mommy how to handle this!"

"I told you not to have that boob job."

'They start texting so young these days,'