Unconventional Animal Lover Gifts

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

Diner

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

Are you the guy who ate my brother?

Gym Dog

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Bulltoon: Certifiabull

Roget's Pet

"His mother was a poodle and his father was a shoe."

He prefers to play fetch with a medicine ball.

'Hot' and 'dog' t-shirts.

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

Henrietta was never one to conform to society's labels. She preferred to think of herself as an 'off-Rhode lsland Red'...

"And that's why you go on safari."

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Teacher's pet dog

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

"Actually I never loved you."

'Someone's feeling bullish.'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'