Unapologetic Elder Gifts

"I shoulda' fucked every man I ever met."

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'So OK. . . I should quit smoking, but I scratched that off my bucket list years ago!'

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

'The law requires me to tell you that we don't discriminate, gramps.'

'Forget it, sonny. My power of attorney is all sorted out.'

At the Old Bikers' Home

'I occasionally go out for a walk, and I buy groceries every two weeks or so. I wonder if I qualify as a recluse.'

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Elderly tightrope walker.

'I prefer 'Baby Boomer' over 'Senior Citizen'.'

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

Elderly religious cleric takes stair lift up the temple.

'Try not to take offense when he says - 'Of all the hip joints in all the world etc etc.''

100th Birthday

"Your mother is receiving top quality care and attention."

Exercise Classes for the over 60s - Pottering 8pm.

"He's been in there for about three weeks. . . I warned him that he was too old to sit in a seventies bean bag."

"We just want to make sure nobody does anything sneaky."

Do not dare ask me about my grandchildren!

"Well, finally! Gracefully aging no more."

"Larry is a white male, but he hasn't been able to do much with it."

Bert escalates his war on inanity: Warning! Actually saying LOL will be hazardous to your health.

"Before there was the Internet, Grandpa didn't know that he was right about everything."

'Isn't it sweet how grampa loves to keep up with technology?'