Fearless Elder Gifts

Elderly tightrope walker.

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Mountain climbers face a closed route.

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"At last, a low-level panel!"

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

'This is going to be the best day ever!'

"Dad, it's gonna take more than that to scare me."

"Are there sharks in the water?"

'I hate the new building inspector. He can smell fear a mile away.'

"Remember you have nothing to fear but fear itself, and me of course!"

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

"... and you've had this irrational fear that evil clowns were hiding under your bed since you were how old?"

'I don't think my parents are ready for me to come out of the closet just yet.'

'Don't be afraid!...Bobo's just going to fix the teeth a little tighter.'

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

"So tell me, what exactly does fear smell like?"

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"We have adult teeth now, and, as such, they demand adult pain."

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

"Here comes our CEO now. Remember, avoid eye contact, don't make any sudden moves, don't show fear and if he charges, hold your ground."

The Board of Fear

'Don't worry, Mrs. Shumberg, your son has years of experience doing this. He knows just what he's doing.'

"I'm helping him conquer his morbid fear of water."

'Take a deep breath and don't panic - we're walking by the reason this area's known as the 'Fear Factor'!'

"I'm scared of germs lurking under my bed."

'Don't worry, he's very friendly.'

'Took your advice and decided to face my fears. I still get panic attacks, but at least now there's a darn good reason.'

At the Old Bikers' Home