Feisty Elder Gifts

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Rock on Grandma!

'Oh, to be 75 again!'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

Future Old People

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

"I just stood up and nothing hurt... Am I dead?"

'Forget it, sonny. My power of attorney is all sorted out.'

At the Old Bikers' Home

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Elderly tightrope walker.

Whatever

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

Makes me feel young again!

Will hell freeze over?

"I shoulda' fucked every man I ever met."

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I - Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts.

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

100th Birthday

Exercise Classes for the over 60s - Pottering 8pm.

'Hey! He's wearing shoes!!'

"He's been in there for about three weeks. . . I warned him that he was too old to sit in a seventies bean bag."

'Franklin's waiting for the Google 'Street View' car to drive by so he can moon it.'

'Robots helping seniors.'

"It'll spell the end of our dirty dancing group."

"How dare you be noisy during siesta time, young man!!"

"Walter is more into Hip-Op these days."

This Summer, Come to...Parkway Playland!