Joyful Elder Gifts

100th Birthday

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

To make taking their daily array of medicines more fun, many seniors are using the new Pill-A-Pult.

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

'Didn't anyone tell you this is an old people's home?'

At the Old Bikers' Home

"I just stood up and nothing hurt... Am I dead?"

'Forget it, sonny. My power of attorney is all sorted out.'

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Elderly tightrope walker.

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

Makes me feel young again!

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"The wild walker"

Exercise Classes for the over 60s - Pottering 8pm.

'There's no ice so I dropped my teeth in it.'

"He's been in there for about three weeks. . . I warned him that he was too old to sit in a seventies bean bag."

'Grandpa, how did you settle things before litigation?'

Life Begins at 40

'Thank Heavens we've lived a care-free hedonistic lifestyle.'

"Welcome to my third annual Senior Soak-A-Palooza!"

"It'll spell the end of our dirty dancing group."

Do not dare ask me about my grandchildren!

'Harriet, your mother's gone skiing again!'