Joyful Elder Pillows

100th Birthday

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

To make taking their daily array of medicines more fun, many seniors are using the new Pill-A-Pult.

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

'Didn't anyone tell you this is an old people's home?'

At the Old Bikers' Home

"I just stood up and nothing hurt... Am I dead?"

'Forget it, sonny. My power of attorney is all sorted out.'

Elderly tightrope walker.

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Makes me feel young again!

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I - Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"The wild walker"

Exercise Classes for the over 60s - Pottering 8pm.

'There's no ice so I dropped my teeth in it.'

'Franklin's waiting for the Google 'Street View' car to drive by so he can moon it.'

"He's been in there for about three weeks. . . I warned him that he was too old to sit in a seventies bean bag."

'Grandpa, how did you settle things before litigation?'

Life Begins at 40

'Thank Heavens we've lived a care-free hedonistic lifestyle.'

"Welcome to my third annual Senior Soak-A-Palooza!"

"It'll spell the end of our dirty dancing group."

Do not dare ask me about my grandchildren!