Umpiring Aficionado Gifts

Succumbing to pressure from players and fans, the home plate umpire agrees to undergo on-the-spot Lasik eye surgery.

"Portrait of a Lady"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

Why moms make bad refs.

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'...I don't like your chances!'

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

Cricket widow's revenge 2

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

The Harper Plays Cricket.

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'