Typist Extraordinare Gifts

Secretary

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Someone who knows apostrophes

Abandoning the computer for a typewriter.

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

'No, boss, this isn't a secret code. My spell check is broken and this is what my typing actually looks like.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

'How can you make so many mistakes in one report?'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

'How could Homer write The Iliad and The Odyssey with a quill pen on parchment when I can't write a memo with a computer?'

'How many words a minute do you type?' - 'Big ones or little ones?'

'I can type 500 words per minute.'

Nice moves—is that an air piano or are you doing the E-Mail?"

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

"and when they woke up, the kids discovered that the house had just one 19", black & white TV that only got... 3 channels."

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! You've come to the right place.

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'

'I typed it that way because I thought that punctuation would just slow it down.'

The origins of bullet points.

'It's a nice font but before deciding we'd really like to see your font library.'

My Mom texted me to let me know she hates all the fonts she saw this week.

The most important part of your job application. Font selection.

'Can you Type?'

"Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is beautiful! What font is that?"

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

"The jury's still out on whether you should whisk me away to Paris."