Twin Jokes Pillows

"Congratulations - you're twins!"

Computamatch.

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Raised by Dogs

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

Cowboy Snowman: 'DRAW!' Two Cowboy Snowmen about to fight it out using their hot air Hairdryers

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

He'll never melt. I made him from fast food milkshakes.

Remember, when we show mommy, we pretend this was your idea, ok?

"Turns out it was all water weight."

'Pull over, it's a text-message from the baby, she needs to be changed!'

'I don't like the look of yours...'

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

He wants to know where he came from.

"Don't forget...there are no guarantees, no returns, and no compensation!"

We can identify the genetic root of many problems... however your husbands being a long strak of water isn't one of them!

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

Womens dressing rooms.

"She never obeys me. Maybe her voice command is turned off."

"You look good in that."

"What do you mean you forgot where you buried dad?!"

"Hold up! I have to take this - it's my wife again."

"I knew you'd like this place."

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

"It's your work. Are you still sick or what?"

'When you got me, did you have to pay shipping and handling?'

Kid to dad about pet door on fishbowl: 'It's a dogfish.'

'Don't play the fool with me, Son.'

"Remember son, there's no problem so big that it can't be run away from."