Conjoined Twin Humor Pillows

"It's your work. Are you still sick or what?"

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

"WHich one is mine?"

Bathroom Fairy

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

'I don't like the look of yours...'

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

'No, she can not come out to play again.'

'Mom says she has a souffle in the oven - Does that mean I'm going to have a baby brother?'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

'You aren't taking your vision health seriously, Mr. Scott.'

"You look good in that."

"You'd better switch off your personal alarm I don't want to to disturb your parents."

'But I've had a tiring day myself, darling!'

"I knew you'd like this place."

'This is your day honey, and then all the days after it are my days, okay?'

"Bad news...I took all of your wedding pictures on one of those snap apps that erases them after ten seconds."

'Ordinarily no two legal problems are alike. However, in your case...'

"You remind me of someone. Oh, yeah, him"

"Do you ever just stop and think about all the disgusting things there are to put in your mouth?"

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

Psst … How can you tell the twins apart? They smell identical!

Computamatch.

I know I've got a key somewhere!!

Women's Synchronized Peeing

'He's right, you know. You're not allowed to bring a date to your own wedding.'

Instant Copy Center

"It's just till the vasectomy heals."

"Congratulations - you're twins!"

'Sorry, but Mum made me bring my dopey sister along.'

"For some reason, people drink a lot less since I brought my twin brother into the business."