Sibling Jokester Pillows

"And here's one I made up called 'Mama's Last Nerve.'"

"Mom! Andy left his shedded skin in the tub again!!"

"I did my homework, but my little brother took it to his 'show and tell'."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Raised by Dogs

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

PET THEORIES

Bathroom Fairy

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

Tree's Tree Nursery. Get this. Dad is selling those goofy upside-down tomato planters. What idiot would buy them? Thanks! I'll let you know how it works! My idiotic bio teacher.

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

"It's magically delicious...especially when you sprinkle...Halloween candy on it!"

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'