Child Jokester Pillows

'Sorry I'm late, staff

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."