Child Jokester Pillows

'Sorry I'm late, staff

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

Tree's Tree Nursery. Get this. Dad is selling those goofy upside-down tomato planters. What idiot would buy them? Thanks! I'll let you know how it works! My idiotic bio teacher.

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'