Childhood Jokester Pillows

"Well, you can tell that David Silva that I said you definitely don't have cooties, Carolyn."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

"Honey! A Jewish starfish!"

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'