Childhood Jokester Pillows

"Well, you can tell that David Silva that I said you definitely don't have cooties, Carolyn."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Tree's Tree Nursery. Get this. Dad is selling those goofy upside-down tomato planters. What idiot would buy them? Thanks! I'll let you know how it works! My idiotic bio teacher.

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

Son to Father, "So dad, tell me, have you ever larged it!"