Childhood Humorist Pillows

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

"Reading, writing, AND arithmetic - I'm too YOUNG to multitask!"

"Dodgeball has been linked to stress-related illnesses later on in life."

"I'm worried about him - he's praying to Mrs. Butterworth."

"I put Nanny and Grandad's false teeth under my pillow."

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

"There's definitely enough growing room."

"My dad's fatter than your dad!"

"Puberty sounds like it's going to be fun."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"