Tweeting Pillows

"Contestants, you have thirty seconds, two hundred and eighty characters, and an unfamiliar topic - can you find a way to make it all about you?"

"The definition of insanity is Tweeting the same thing over and overs and expecting different results."

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'

'See you later, Steve - I have to catch up on my tweets.'

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"Now that was a satisfying tweet!"

'Before I pass sentence, have you anything to tweet?'

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"Jeremy and I are so in sync, we finish each other's tweets."

Trump Tweets

"Blood pressure, respiration erratic, but his tweeting is reassuringly stable."

'And the public is protected from your tweets.'

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

The Proust of Twitter

Just woke up from a 12 hour nap #staywoke

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

Trump goes down tweeting & firing more staff

Ornithologist

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

'It's a tweet from Maid Marian.'

"Did you get that text I sent asking you to turn around?"

"I tweeted yesterday. 'Sleep with your windows open'. It was liked and shared by 2000 mosquitos."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be taken out of context and put on Twitter and then it'll be a whole thing."

"When I Say Tweet, You Say Tweet!"

Book Shop: The great American Novel and The great American tweet.

'I occasionally need to read my tweets to remember what I was doing.'

Tweet

The twittering president.

"How about putting that in a tweet?"

'I got the ain't nobody reading my tweets blues.'