Tweeting Pillows

'I never realized how boring you were until I started following you on Twitter.'

"Contestants, you have thirty seconds, two hundred and eighty characters, and an unfamiliar topic - can you find a way to make it all about you?"

"The definition of insanity is Tweeting the same thing over and overs and expecting different results."

"I don't know why people complain that Twitter only gives you 140 letters to express yourself in. I usually manage with four."

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'

'See you later, Steve - I have to catch up on my tweets.'

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"Now that was a satisfying tweet!"

'Before I pass sentence, have you anything to tweet?'

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"Jeremy and I are so in sync, we finish each other's tweets."

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

Trump Tweets

"Blood pressure, respiration erratic, but his tweeting is reassuringly stable."

'And the public is protected from your tweets.'

Bird Tweet.

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

The Proust of Twitter

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

'You're not blogging, twittering, or any other 'ing' are you?'

Twitter - Get a life.

Elon Musk Twitter Takeover

"My big fat ego has just discovered Twitter!"

You know how you can reach your character limit when you type something on Twitter? Well, that can also happen in life. It's happened to me. I've run out of character.

Just woke up from a 12 hour nap #staywoke

Does Twig ever hang out with friends? Of course. She's with them now. She's tweeting Emily, texting Ingrid and scanning Jonah's, Pete's and Ryan's Facebook pages. How friendly!

Trick or tweet! Tweet something complimentary about us or suffer the consequences!

So … You're a journalist. That's right. Can I interview you? Eh … no thanks. But … I could get your story out. Don't you want the world to know why you're rebelling against Dictator Clause? Of course. That's why I tweet. I've got millions of followers who hear my side whenever I want them to. @#?* 21st century. RebelElf. Rebuffed loser journo. He got all mad. Time 4 cookie-break. #LameStreamMedia

Hey boss, you asked to see me? Yes, I want to know why you haven't carried out my orders yet. What orders? I tweeted them last night at 3 a.m. Everyone knows Twitter proclamations are now to be taken as official policy. Except when I'm just joking. What? But that's confusing. You mean I'm keeping you on your toes. Now go deliver a cease and desist notice to that lemonade-stand kid outside.

Boss took out half the light bulbs, told me to tell patrons it's for "ambience." #cheapskates. What are you doing? Working, boss. I'm tweeting about how lovely the ambience is here at the caf

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

tRUMp, Pirate President

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."