Tv Trivia Guru Pillows

"Sits there watching quiz shows all day long and still he knows nothing."

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'This has been a Chris Wallace special report -- we now switch you back to Mike Wallace....'

'There are facts,there are factoids, and there are just plain fun facts.'

It's academic

Vannamania

This is a classic TV show called "Father Knows Best." Before Google obviously.

Nicholas Parsons RIP

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

"I'll have a vole, please Carol"

'On tonight's news: Katie Couric interviews Katie Couric.'

'Before I met you, I didn't know any of the sitcom characters by their first names,'

Einstein discovers that the speed of light is 186,000 miles per second, but the speed of Lite beer is only 65 MPH.

'It's just that simple. So act now and start barking up the 'right' tree.'

TV Zoo Trivia

"Shouldn't have bought a touch-screen TV."

'No! The bully in Tom Brown's Schooldays was called 'Flashman' not 'Paxman'.'

"Says here that, since Coronation Street started, there have been 86 weddings and 124 deaths."

"Let me through, I've seen every episode of casualty."

When TV networks hold pledge drives, you know the economy isn't in great shape.

Larry Grayson.

"And your chosen subject?"

'And who are your chosen subjects?'

Welsh countdown

"They're called leftovers, not 'reruns'."

Cue-card holder auditions.

'It's a smart TV - it only turns on for Mastermind.'

Trivia Pursuit

"Any idea what's on the TV?"

"Colin never bothered with a seatbelt. The pub quiz team never recovered."

Sitcom News 'Hey, Marcia! Where's that darn news! I can't find it anywhere!'