Tv Ratings Guru Gifts

'Your Honor, members of the jury and Neilsen viewers...'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'What does it say, Dad?'

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"Ooops...wrong doctor !"

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

A TV tank

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

Silly News.