Tv Ratings Analyst Gifts

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

In the Guru District

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Studies show foods work miracles!

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Can't Touch This

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"Which news channel should we watch?"

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Newspaper suicide.

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'