Tv Ratings Analyst Pillows

"Nah, I just don't fancy it anymore."

In the Guru District

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Difference of Opinion

Studies show foods work miracles!

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

Can't Touch This

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

Newspaper suicide.

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."