Television Analyst Gifts

The following program may be presented in such a way as to blur the truth.

"Why do politicians spend so much money on TV commercials? TV has no influence on anything I do!"

In the Guru District

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

Newspaper suicide.

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

Succession 2

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"I'll never forget you."