Tv Rating Buffs Gifts

'Your honor, I move that we have a change of venue. Pretrial publicity has made it impossible for us to get high ratings in this county.'

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

7 Dwarves of Retirement

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Homo Zapiens

Tunnel of TV

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Now that's Real TV!'

"If I were you, I wouldn't change the channel!"

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'You should know better than to switch channels during a Garfield special.'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

"We need to walk."

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

'Come on, you're telling me that you don't watch the Discovery Channel.'

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

'He ordered those 'natural male enhancements',and now he watches football all the time!'