Tv Rating Buffs T-Shirts

'Your honor, I move that we have a change of venue. Pretrial publicity has made it impossible for us to get high ratings in this county.'

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

Tunnel of TV

Homo Zapiens

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"If I were you, I wouldn't change the channel!"

'Now that's Real TV!'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'You should know better than to switch channels during a Garfield special.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

'Come on, you're telling me that you don't watch the Discovery Channel.'

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

'I've been watching TV all my life. I was born cable ready.'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

'He ordered those 'natural male enhancements',and now he watches football all the time!'