Tv Junkies Anonymous Gifts

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Big screen TV falling through floor

Dancing with the Star Wars

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"There's more to life than beer and football...I just can remember what it is."

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Can't stop watching. That ribbon is amaaazing..."

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."