Tv Industry Professional Gifts

Used to work in the subtitles business but got laid off...

Trial by Media

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Gay Times...

If nobody had invented graphics

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Local News in Heaven

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Reporter #6: television.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"Wow. . . is that you, Mr Erdogan. . . Mr Kim Jong-un. . . Mr Putin. . . Mr Maduro. . . Mr. Bin-Salman. . . Mr al-Assad. . ."

'That's correct Shaun. The government is comprised of 5 branches...the executive, legislative, judicial, lobbyist and media.'

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

Free press.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"