Tv Denouncer Gifts

'Why don't we just get rid of the TV?'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Presenter Auditions.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

Pundits

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

Obtaining a degree in TV Broadcasting.

Communication

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"And now, representing rescue dogs everywhere..."

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Sean Hannity?'

Mud Slinging

'Big turnover at center ice! Mmm...looks delicious.'

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

Annoucement

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"