Tv Denouncer Pillows

'Why don't we just get rid of the TV?'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

Presenter Auditions.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

'I'm a voice over artist.'

Pundits

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

Obtaining a degree in TV Broadcasting.

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Communication

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"And now, representing rescue dogs everywhere..."

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

Annoucement

'Big turnover at center ice! Mmm...looks delicious.'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Sean Hannity?'

Mud Slinging

'I wrote on this piece of cardboard because the teleprompter is broken. Just say something about technical difficulties and we'll be right back after these messages or whatever. Just don't read this on air!'

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.