Turtle Whisperer Gifts

Patience

'Use this in both eyes, three times daily.'

'Fetch, boy...fetch...'

"I'm returning him. He's incredibly condescending."

Turtles discussing inflation rates over the past 50 years.

Why the limbo never caught on big at turtle parties.

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"Wheeeeeeeeeee!"

He claims he's the oldest turtle in the world.

Speed Dating for Turtles

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Turtle with Aerial.

"No seriously, I can't sleep on my back: I could die if nobody were there to turn me back upright..."

"You're getting a time-out because Mommy needs a time-out."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Police Feline Unit

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

Children's Parties

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Quick, start the car!"

Local Knowledge

Bite out of fishing pier.

'You lifted your head.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"It get it – you're hungry."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'Your shoe's untied.'

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

Dog Dreams

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Biofelineism

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."