Tortoise Whisperer Gifts

'The talks were great, but the changeovers between speakers were way too slow...'

'I've heard about your race with the rabbit a thousand times. Let's talk about something else.'

'Could you guys play a slow number so my gal and I can dance?'

"Perhaps, that will teach you not to wake the tortoise too early!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'What motivated you to become a environmentalist?'

Children's Parties

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Speed Dating for Turtles

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"Quick, start the car!"

Dog Dreams

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

'Don't bite it.I have to check Daddy next.'

'You know too much!'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

"That is an outrageous slur."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"This never happened."

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'