Turtle Tease Gifts

The Stripper

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"As you can see, our corporate structure is turtles all the way down."

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"All good Lucy, I've cleared the beach: you can safely go and lay your eggs now..."

"We haven't danced in ages."

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

Ike and Tina Turtle.

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

Tortoise polishing his shell

Here is our spot, I sink, Helga.

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

Tortoises breakdancing

'Sorry there's no food. We were kind of hoping you'd bring some.'

'I'm going to be a little late.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"Hey, no kidding! I prefer slow dancing, too!"

'Look Mummy: I've put on my shell all by myself...'

Psychoanalyst turtle trying to help turtle patient come out of shell

'Don't worry Darling, they're scientists'

Funky Facts: Turtles.

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"My doctor told me to get more exercise by walking a pet, but he didn't specify it had to be a dog."

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.