Turning Seventy-five Gifts

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Your contents have shifted."

Middle-Age Superheroes

'I'm too hot to trot.'

Gary turns 40.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Do you think I'm sixty?

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

Space hopper as a bouncer of a nightclub

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

David Blaine, Age 60