Sixty-somethings Gifts

"He hit the big 60 today, and now he's just drooping around the house, convinced that he can hear his arteries hardening."

"Desmond likes to live in the moment. . . and that moment happens to be 1960."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Do you think I'm sixty?

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

The Mods and Rockers feud had got out of hand

David Blaine, Age 60

If this van's a rockin'...

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

A la recherche des cheveux perdus.

Over the Hill Birthday Cards

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

Life begins at 60

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

White Wine Wisdom

"He can still fit into the clothes he wore in the sixties."

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

Denise gets offered the senior discount for the first time.

'Oh, don't mind Grandpa - he's just having an acid flashback.'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Turtle Haze

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

I was a huge Beatles fan right from the start. I remember waiting backstage after each show.

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

Paul McCartney

'Why don't you look like Jennifer Aniston, you're the same age.'

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."