Turning 70 Gifts

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Your contents have shifted."

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

Gary turns 40.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Ed's receding hairline!

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Do you think I'm sixty?

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

"He's dead- but that's normal for his age."