Turning Forty Gifts

Inside One's Memory Bank

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

'Old age I can face - It's the thought of being forty that really bugs me.'

'Turning forty is nothing in this day and age. Forty is the new thirty.' 'Damn! I remember how bad I felt the LAST time I was thirty.'

'If life begins at forty, why do they let us leave school twenty four years early?'

A middle aged cow.

'Good news. Forty is the new twelve.'

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'We're almost forty. Shouldn't we have a car or something?'

"Now that you're forty, you look so much like the man I sought solace with when your father was out w***ing around."

Everything was going great until the day I turned forty. Then my face just seemed to cave in.

"You're certainly not the first person in the world to wake up one morning and find little crow's feet at the corners of your eyes!"

'Today, two things happened - my fortieth year started, and my resistance ended.'

Tarzans mid life crisis: 'It's a jungle out there.'

"Igor, you fool! The body you've brought me is too young. Everyone knows that life begins at forty!"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Your contents have shifted."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Gary turns 40.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Do you think I'm sixty?

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Ed's receding hairline!

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.