Turning 45 Gifts

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Your contents have shifted."

Gary turns 40.

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Ed's receding hairline!

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Gee....Al's losing his pimento!...."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!