Turning 65 Gifts

"Your contents have shifted."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Gary turns 40.

Inside One's Memory Bank

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Ed's receding hairline!

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Do you think I'm sixty?

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

David Blaine, Age 60

"Gee....Al's losing his pimento!...."