Turning A Specific Age Gifts

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

"Your contents have shifted."

Gary turns 40.

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Church Basement Foodie

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Ed's receding hairline!

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

Medication for the elderly

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'