Turning A Specific Age Pillows

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

"Your contents have shifted."

Middle-Age Superheroes

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Gary turns 40.

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Church Basement Foodie

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Ed's receding hairline!

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Medication for the elderly

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

Midlife: You Are Here.

'They want your underwear.'