Turning 20 Gifts

Happy Birthday!

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Teenagers!'

Middle-Age Superheroes

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

Gary turns 40.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

Ed's receding hairline!

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

High Pants/Low Pants.

'No, thanks. My folks won't let me get any piercings, yet.'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!