Turning 21 Gifts

"Thank you for the cake, dear. But I'm actually twenty-one."

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

'I'm not twenty one, I'm not getting married, I'm not having a baby and I'm not retiring.' (collection box)

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

Gary turns 40.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

Ed's receding hairline!

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

High Pants/Low Pants.

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

'No, thanks. My folks won't let me get any piercings, yet.'

"Mom, I'm old enough to catch my own worms now. I don't need you to regurgitate them into my mouth anymore."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"