Turning 18 Gifts

Eighteenth Birthday.

You Are Now Entering Adulthood

"I'll let you kids in, but you're gonna have to pay taxes and deal with your own mortality."

Beware... the Piñata of Adulthood

'I can't wait to turn 18 and move out to public housing, go on food stamps, get my own Obamaphone, draw unemployment, get Obamacare, and enjoy my life!'

"Your client's already agreed to sign for £75,000 a week and a new house - now he also wants a big party when he's 18?"

Happy 18th Birthday champagne

Dad DJing son's 18th birthday.

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Everytime I go out, my folks remind me that I can be tried as an adult!'

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

"So, according to law, we're basically hostages till we're 18."

"All day long, someone is telling me what to do. I'll sure be glad when I'm old enough to do what I want!"

18th Birthday Balloons

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

High Pants/Low Pants.

'No, thanks. My folks won't let me get any piercings, yet.'

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"