Turning 26 Gifts

'I don't have to leave the nest! I can stay on your health insurance until I'm 26!'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Your contents have shifted."

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Gary turns 40.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

Ed's receding hairline!

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

"Do you know the biggest thing I've learned in my thirty nine years?"

"Gee....Al's losing his pimento!...."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

'Your 40th? Well maybe if you're talking about the number of cans you've had!'

Middle-Aged Man Celebrates Birthday Riding Escalator Without Holding Handrail!