Turning Ten Gifts

'Now that you're 10, we can tell you the truth: beauty isn't actually in the eye of the beholder, there are international standards... and you haven't met them.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Three more years of high school."

"He's gone goth"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

PROBLEM AREAS

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

Fishbowl rebellion.

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

Social Networking.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

Teenage Angst.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"Hey, look - Mom left us an internal memo."