Turning Ten Gifts

'Now that you're 10, we can tell you the truth: beauty isn't actually in the eye of the beholder, there are international standards... and you haven't met them.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Three more years of high school."

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"He's gone goth"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PROBLEM AREAS

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

Fishbowl rebellion.

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

Social Networking.

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Teenage Angst.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'