Turning Nine Gifts

Crayons - Expiration Date: Your 9th Birthday.

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

Tamagotchi paralysis.

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

'Your dad wouldn't let you borrow the car tonight?'

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

'That was quite a birthday party - we played full-contact spin-the-bottle.'

"Thank you. Now we'd like to do our big hit -- I Can't Wait to be 16'."

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

Happy Birthday!

'It's nice to see you all,but I was just going out to work.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"Dad, this is totally the most important conversation ever!"

Another year older and you look as young as ever! Alcohol is a great preservative!

"No young Mistress has not taken drama lessons. It's a side effect of her turning 13, but yes, I agree, her dramatic skills are quite impressive..."

"You know, we're not getting any younger...I mean, pretty soon, we'll both be 16."

"Nothing ruins a Friday more than waking up and realizing it's only Thursday."

"The second I turn 16 I'm joining a conservative political party and then I'll be able to do whatever I want!"

Less successful 1990s T-shirt designs.

Damian plays his walkman too load once too often.

"Oh boy... My 39th Birthday... Yippee."

'I don't have to leave the nest! I can stay on your health insurance until I'm 26!'

'You need a lot more money.'

'Look, love, playing hard to get clearly isn't working. How about playing easy to get instead.'

'Son, now that you're 16, I thought I'd let you drive.'

'Now that you're 10, we can tell you the truth: beauty isn't actually in the eye of the beholder, there are international standards... and you haven't met them.'

Old man's birthday cake erupts with the Grim Reaper inside

Ten

"When I turn 90, I am so experimenting with drugs."

Parent Supervision on Teen Driving.

"That's right, Terri, my dad let me borrow his car!"

"Today's my dad's 90th birthday. I got him a cake. I used 90 candles to spell out 'Happy 90th Birthday from your goof-up son who can't ever do anything right. I organized the whole party. And what do you think of me, Pop?'...The candles flared up and burned his house down..."