Turf Tamer Gifts

Golf Hil Divot

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Lovely dovetail."

Not you. Your hair.

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

New Swiss Army Knife

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

Getting the Christmas Tree Home.

"Most projects require three hands."

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"I've got a lap dog and a laptop cat."

'Of course, now that we have turf, we'll need someone to protect it.'

"I replaced my G.P.S with auto correct, and every time I try to go right, it makes me go write...."

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

Using plant pots to reach inaccessible object

"You'll be on the road most days, but when you do come in, this will be your docking station."

Dave had yet to master his new nail machine gun.

'There's a real reason that I hate Google, but right at this moment I forget what that is.'

Superhero training.

Man in office smiling in delight as various office equipment dances for him

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.

"My turn."

"Hello? IT support? I think my hard drive is fragmented."

"I haven't seen you look at your me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives?"