Truancy Inspector Gifts

Teachers; 'Oh no! It's the truancy inspector.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'I found the termites!'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Are you ready for your FISCAL examination?'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The roof needs icing.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

IRS Audit Section

"Homes on Holmes"

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

Lightening the load at the Weigh Station.

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

Tax Collector

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Will you bring in Mr.Harris' file - you'll find it under 'U' for unbelievable.'

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'